Our desire to belong is a natural one. It is a desire many of us experience when we get stuck in our heads and feel disconnected.
We live in the mental body or the thinking mind, which perceives that something is missing—that we don’t belong. When we drop underneath the story the thinking mind writes, we realize we already belong. In fact, we cannot not belong.
It is our habits and patterns, the ways we perceive life, that keep us from perceiving our true magnificence.
The activity of the conscious mind is typically steeped in protection and performance. It writes stories to fill in the blank because it believes something is “missing.”
The mind attempts to do things like—carve a path for ourself, make sure we belong, or get approval and love. Those things start when we land here on earth, we energetically disperse or as I call it, “splat.” We’re not sure what happened, so we turn our attention externally to figure it out and prepare in case it happens again.
When our senses orient externally, we begin to need the external world to constantly give us feedback like, “Am I okay? Do I belong? Am I approved of? Am I enough?” Because of this misperception, that we need the outside for our sense of “okayness,” we focus “out there” instead of “in here,” to know if we belong. We end up with this giant void inside.
Surrender versus defeat—The Self as driver of your life
The protective personality–the one that thinks it needs to hesitate or procrastinate, or the opposite, surge forward and outrun our fears and issues in some way to protect us—gets in the way of us seeing the truth of who we are. Once we start to recognize this, and sit down inside ourselves, everything begins to change. The personality has less of a role and it’s no longer controlling us. Instead, we start to live from the truth of who we are, the Soulful Self.
I know it might not feel like this at times, especially right now, but life is supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be fun. Life is supposed to be flowing abundantly, so if that is not happening in your world, there’s a reason.
- Establish relationships
- Choose careers
- Do what we perceive is needed to fit in
- Find ways to belong
- Live the life we think we’re supposed to have
As we continue a little further down the road, we start to recognize, despite our efforts, that we don’t feel so fulfilled. Life simply doesn’t feel good much of the time. Perhaps our physical health declines or our mental or emotional state starts to decline. Maybe we’re not experiencing the abundance we desire.
What’s going on is we’re not feeding the Soul. We’re feeding the mind. In fact, we’re living attached to the mind. We identified as the mind and we think it’s who we are.
We end up afraid because the mind is constantly on the move like a rollercoaster. The mind believes this thought today, that one tomorrow and was over-there thinking a different thought yesterday. We don’t know up from down and are often afraid we’re headed into yet another dip any moment.
Stepping off the rollercoaster ride
Instead of hanging on through the dips and climbs of the rollercoaster ride out of a desire to survive, realize that this is daily “life” giving us an opportunity to embody the Soulful Self.
You can build the circuitry to step off the rollercoaster, while you’re still on the ride, while you’re driving down the road, at work, or when you’re on the phone with that family member you find challenging—whatever the circumstances. You don’t need to set time aside from living your everyday life to consciously cultivate the Essential Self.
We’re here to build the circuitry to perceive a greater sense of reality than the one we currently see. We do this as we learn how to take our attention to the body each time we have:
- A knot in our stomach
- A lump in our throat
- A tension in our head
- An ache in our heart
- Whatever the reaction we may be having to some situation in life
We lean in and work intimately with the mind and the body and the breath together to build a pathway for energy to flow. In The Energy Codes® coursework, we discover how to build these neural pathways or circuitry. This allows energy to flow directly through an area, instead of around it because of past experiences, old hurts, or limiting beliefs we carried.
As you build circuits, you shift from riding the rollercoaster until you’re forced to surrender to the embodying the Soulful Self. This allows you to choose surrender.
You can step away from a deep sense of fear that impacts your adrenal glands and thyroid, which leads to exhaustion so that you’re forced to surrender. Before we become too exhausted to hang on, we make a conscious choice to surrender.
With either type of surrender, there is a similar sensation in the body—a sense of, “I simply don’t care enough to think about that.” How can we tell the difference between surrender and being completely exhausted? There’s an important distinction related to the activity of your conscious mind.
A surrender is a conscious choice to let go of the thinking mind and its tendency to write stories and fill-in-the-blank about the “stuff” we tend to spend time chewing on. In a surrender, we’re no longer interested in writing stories, because we know that leads to an emptiness at the core of our being from living in our head. We’re not embodied or feeding the core.
Surrender is consciously saying, “I no longer want to write a story.”
We can write what we believe to be the perfect story. Perhaps you’ve had that experience…it feels so “right.” We project a meaning into what someone said or did, and later discover we were far from the truth. We realize that something entirely different was happening.
This does serve us…this story writing. As we write the story and mull it over and over, we also try to heal ourself. So it served us, and likely exhausted us at the same time. Instead, we could simply not write the story in the first place.
Perhaps you might evaluate, next time you find yourself no longer writing a story, is it because, “I’ve made a conscious choice to cultivate a different part of me? Or am I surrendering out of exhaustion?” There is a difference.
What I know is, and perhaps you can relate, I was great at story-writing. I was so good at it, I got positive feedback based on my ability to write stories. Because I desired the positive feedback, I wrote more stories. Yet, at the end of the day:
- I felt empty.
- I wondered, “Is this all there is? Is this it?”
- I questioned, who cares if I’m good at what I do if I’m not happy or fulfilled?
- I was not healing or experiencing my wholeness.
How much easier would life be if we trusted the universe to deliver exactly what is needed in any given moment? If we knew that any amount of thinking or story-writing is actually a waste of time and energy? A waste of our resources, which leads to exhaustion as we continue down that specific road.
Trust and surrender are easier when the Soulful Self is robust in our life. It’s not easy for the mind to surrender when the Soulful Self is squelched into a tiny voice way in the background. The mind has a really hard time letting go of driving unless there is someone else it can rely on.
We don’t have to write a story
nstead, get comfortable (even a little bit) as the Self. The Energy Codes are practices you access in day-to-day life so that you develop this robust sense of self as The Soul. We breathe life into the Essential Self with these simple practices. Then, as we contemplate surrendering this thinking, story writing, believing mind, we have something to fall back on. We can let go before we’re exhausted and forced to let go.
How do we know if it’s a surrender vs defeat? When you make a conscious choice to surrender, there’s an energetic that happens in the center of your brain, throat, and heart. You have a felt sense of openness that happens in your physiology with an intentional surrender.
- I have no idea what I’m doing, but I feel so happy along the way.
- There’s a grand adventure in front of me.
- Instead of stopping us in our tracks, we open to possibility and that pulls us through a threshold.
- I feel an openness and availability.
I want you to know that this sense of surrender may come with tears, sometimes of joy or simply from being present.
The Energy Codes allow you to establish the circuitry to easily make the distinction—is it surrender or defeat? With a surrender, the protective personality steps out of the way because we know that the only thing happening here is a great unfoldment of our full potential.
Possibility is available and accessible. You to step into the Front Side of the Model, which is this conscious, intentional surrender to the greater purpose of who you are, your magnificence, fully expressing here, in a body. It allows You to manifest the life you are here to experience, the one that is meant to be fun, easy, abundant.
Do you desire to step off the rollercoaster ride and experience life from an empowered perspective?
I invite you to join me and discover powerful practices for a true sense of belonging, for healing, and for practical ways to integrate while you engage in daily life. Register here and watch the Heal Yourself Now online streaming video course on your schedule.
Photo by Meg Boulden on Unsplash