How to Bring the Love Sooner
By Dr. Sue Morter
We all know what it feels like when we go into a new experience. A gathering of people we don’t know, some kind of new job that we’re employed in, or some kind of social situation where we don’t know the people, we don’t know the circumstances, et cetera. There is a sense of tension in the body because we don’t know how we’re going to be received. We’re afraid we won’t know what to talk about or we’re not sure that we’re going to be liked by others. We’re not sure that we’re going to be able to relate to the other people or be able to shine in the situation the way that we know we can.
Creating a Story
When the mind is in an uncertain place, it starts to rattle, and it starts to look everywhere for something to lock in on to feel more secure. When this happens the mind has a tendency to go into stories and judgments. It may judge the other people in the situation, or it will start to judge the self. It does this all in the attempt for the mind to have something upon which to focus.
What we know is, that over time, as we become more comfortable in the situation, start talking to our new coworkers in the new job, or become more familiar with the circumstance that was once unfamiliar, we start to develop exchanges that eventually become some kind of relationship, or some kind of relational engagement. We become more familiar with the situation and the people we’ve met, and the body tension starts to release. What starts to happen is an uprising of joy that comes from engaging with and connecting with these other people.
Eventually due to familiarity, we begin to open up and feel more relaxed in our new-found surroundings, and the invitation is for us to do so consciously and intentionally at the onset at the unfamiliar experience.
For instance, if you knew that eventually you’re going to fall in love with people because you enjoy their personalities, and you’ve enjoyed engaging with them, then why not go ahead and go there now? Why wait for several hours through the dinner party, or several days with the new job, or several years with some circumstances that it may take us to ever reach this place of feeling calm, more confident and comfortable, because it’s become more familiar?
Your comfort and confidence level is truly about familiarity and feeling safe as far as the mind is concerned.
The subconscious mind is supposed to protect us, and keep us alive, and so safety is one of the first things that it will implement in order to do so. Anything that is unfamiliar will put it on alert as it begins to determine if you will be safe in the moment you’re in or not.
The invitation is to consider the following:
If you knew you were eventually going to be comfortable, why not go ahead and get comfortable now?
If you don’t have much experience with the type of situation you’re currently in, another invitation is to simply “make it up.” Use your imagination to envision a situation in which you’d be more comfortable and consider what it would feel like if you were in that situation. What would the body be doing? How would it be releasing and how would your breathing change?
Allow this feeling to settle into the core of our being and allow this opening to be something driven by right use of your own imagination. From here you’re allowed to open to the flow of love more readily, more easily, and certainly more quickly.
When we’re in the vibrational frequency of love, everything opens.
The body begins to heal, to flow, and allows us to open to our creativity, rather than being locked into our survivorship. Our disposition of uncertainty causes alarm in the body right up until it doesn’t. I like to refer to this saying that, “Life is hard, right up until it’s not.” It’s “not” hard the moment love moves into the picture.
So, next time you’re in a situation like this when you’re feeling unsure or uncomfortable, what if you were able to love sooner or to be the first one that opens up? You can be the one that finds the way to say something loving in a tense situation, or to say something joyful. You can be the one who begins to engage and deeply connect when there’s concern, or uncertainty, or unfamiliarity in our lives. You can do this, rather than waiting for six months to pass to feel familiar, or for the external world to do it for us.
The way to do this in the moment you’re feeling uncomfortable, is to drop into your own body. The way we remain uncomfortable is when we remain up in our heads, trying to figure out, “What am I going to do? What am I going to say? How am I going to present in a way that is well received?”
When you do this, you step out of your authenticity and into pre-planning what you should do or what you think you should be doing in that moment, instead of what you’re actually feeling. We have to consciously drop back down into the body, and find the place from which we can bring the love first in any situation.
The exact same thing is true in an argument, in a situation of discord, in a long-standing family dispute.
What if we were willing to be the one to bring the love first? To love sooner, to love more fully, to love faster, to come to that place that we’re eventually going to come to anyway?
Because we all return to love.
In my profession, I’ve had the opportunity to sit beside those that are departing this life, and they share some very deep, heartfelt conversations in those moments. As death approaches, so many things are laid down. Long-standing issues that have plagued a family dynamic or deep friendship begin to melt away when our priorities begin to shift.
We drop into our hearts and we recognize that the only thing that really mattered was how much I loved, and how much I felt the experience of love moving through my system.
If, in the end, we’re all going to get to that loving place eventually, the invitation is to go there now and be the one that is willing to love first, to love sooner, and to love again, more often than anyone you’ve ever known. By doing that, you’re stepping into the creatorship that you are destined to discover.
And, as you do, you will experience more freedom in your life and joy in your heart. Taking the guessing out of ‘how to love’ and dropping into that loving space, you can dissolve any situation you are in and bring it back to love – mirroring back to the other person that it actually is possible, and is available, even in the most challenging moments.